Who pays the bills in your house?

Meredith Moore
4 min readApr 13, 2019

Who pays the bills? It’s one of the most basic logistical issues that arises within adult partnerships, whether marriage or another type of long-term pairing. That divvying up (or combining) of financial resources brings with it a whole host of behaviors, feelings and power dynamics with ramifications that often extend far beyond money to affect the entire relationship.

It’s also one of the taboo areas of interpersonal behavior. So many people are uncomfortable discussing their family’s approach to money management — even with their financial advisors. But in an age when women are nearly as likely as men to be the primary breadwinner in the family, I believe it’s time to bring this issue into the light.

Most of the research to date on styles of household financial management relies on a typology set forth in “Patterns of Money Management within Marriage” by sociologist Jan Pahl (1980).¹ Researchers Ashby & Burgoyne (2008)² extended Pahl’s original four types to five main styles that couples use to manage household finances:

  • Whole wage system: one person manages all of the household finances
  • Allowance system: the main breadwinner provides a fixed sum for household management and keeps the rest for personal spending
  • Pooling system: the couple pools all or nearly all of their money and treat it as a collective resource
  • Independent management system: couples maintain individual control of their earnings and keep their money separate
  • Partial pooling system: couples keep most of their money separate, maintaining individual control over areas defined as personal, but pool enough money to cover expenses defined as shared

In examining these systems, it’s important to bear in mind that no one method is right or wrong, or even better or worse. However, the method a couple chooses does impact the relative balance of power within the relationship and how couples handle financial decision-making.

An equally important point, and one that’s somewhat surprising, is that earning money does not necessarily lead to control or power. For example, research shows that when income is truly considered “family money,” personal earnings are less likely to be seen as a source of power, having…

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Meredith Moore

Tireless worker. Financial Advisor Guru. Speaker. Writer. Leader. Personal Growth Junkie.