My 2019 Quest to Understand Power and Money in Relationships

In January, I decided: It’s a new year with new goals, new initiatives and of course new projects. I am beginning on a quest of sorts this year — a quest to understand the interplay between power and money within relationships. I will be exploring the dynamics of personal relationships around power and what influence money has on it. After all, the two biggest causes of divorce are money and sex.

My interest stems from what I’ve observed through my personal relationships, as well as dynamics I’ve seen every day for almost 20 years in my financial planning practice. Think of the following kinds of situations and see if you or someone you know can relate:

• She makes more money than him; who gets to decide if they go on a better vacation or the first-born can go to Harvard vs. UGA?
• She has a crappy credit score, so he will have to be the one to finance the furniture purchase that he never really wanted in the first place. Do they get the furniture or not?
• In a same-sex relationship, one person makes 10 times the income of the other. How can gifts for one another be in the same price range? What is “fair” without it getting weird?
• Who pays the bills? Are there multiple checking accounts? Does he really need to know the details of where her money…